Hello muddah, hello faddah

Here I am at Camp Granada

Camp is very entertaining

And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

.

I went hiking with Joe Spivy

He developed poison ivy

You remember Leonard Skinner

He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

.

Take me home, oh muddah, faddah

Take me home, I hate Granada

Don't leave me out in the forest where

I might get eaten by a bear.

.

All the counselors hate the waiters

And the lake has alligators

And the head coach wants no sissies

So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

.

How I don't want this should scare ya

But my bunkmate has malaria

You remember Jeffrey Hardy

They're about to organize a searching party.

.

Take me home...I promise I will not make noise

Or mess the house with other boys.

Oh please don't make me stay

I've been here one whole day.

.

Dearest faddah, darling muddah,

How's my precious little bruddah

Let me come home, if you miss me

I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.

.

Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.

Guys are swimming, guys are sailing

Playing baseball, gee that's better

Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.